Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Well, Here I am again writing to this online journal.
I could'nt seem to get that FUCKING page loaded for the longest time.
I am still kind of tweeked from earlier this evening when Ace Dogg came over and hooked up some shit.
We rolled a few bowls and then he left.
He has to be up for tommorow sense he is helping Jay (Dubie J) with his little "project" on the hill.
Ace Dogg does need the extra money/weed sense his sister who he is living with is giving him a bunch of shit about being lazy and not having a job.
Plus the dumbass just got arrested for Posesetion/intent to sell so he has a bunch of legal bullshit to deal with.
Right now my nosey ass homeboy is trying to read what I am writing-- He read this now he is nolonger doing so HAHAHA.
Now ..I am going to take a brief break to get high .. I will be right back...
Ok, I am back now....
and YES I get HIGH!.. and YES I am HIGH!
and I don't really give a fuck what anybody thinks about it.
I just had to get that out of my system.
Getting high seems to have become a favorite pasttime activity for me.
I always loved smoking my weed, and have favored it above any other recreation activity sense I was a young kid.
I always felt more "normal" when I was high, and did'nt even mind going to school as bad.
Infact, sometimes school was "The Shit" when I had a nice fat bud to smoke.
I remember one time I told my school councelor that I heard voices when I smoke pot, she ended up reporting that to the Psychiatric people and I ended up being labled somewhat "insane" (That is my term.. I forget what term they used).
Ofcourse this was not the start of my reputation as a "looney" or "crazy kid, every sense I started school the teachers and pshcological people thought I was not right in the head.
I found this out later in life, when I was searching through some old files my mom had stashed away.
Later on, they decided to call it ADD, and gave me a bunch of Ritilan (Speed) pills to take.
Yep, this was good for a kid I guess.
Turn him into a little FUCKIN TWEEKER, give him posetion of a bottle PILLS that he could just easily sell. (That was one of my first experiences with probation).
Now look at me HAHAHA.
Nothing I "LOVE" more then to melt down a nice rock in the Glass pipe, and give it a nice spin ;-)
So fuck it!
Basicaly, I am a Psychotic lunitic mother fucker, who has a "I don't give a fuck" prespective on life, and I don't realy value life as much as most people probably do.
I remember on my second term in Juvinile Hall, where I was arrested for trying to steal some beer kegs from the beer factory on the tracks.
I ended up "nutting up" and slamming my head against the cement wall and the cell door.
They repeatedly tryed to get me to "calm down", but I was detoxing off various drugs and INHALENTS, and felt like a FUCKING CAGED ANIMAL. They ended up transfering me to Room 1, which was the "high security" room.
It had padded walls, no sink, and they confiscated my pants, and all of my sheets (Anything I could kill myself with).
I was kept in that room for about 23 hours a day at the least, but was often stuck there for over 24 hours a day..
I can't forget to mention that I was healing up from a severe ass kicking at the hands of the local police department, on the tracks, out of public view.
These "Brave" law enforcers of our city decided to Hand cuff a 14 year old kid with a knee in his spine, then kick him over and over in the ribs and back, even after he co-operated with them.
Sure, I attempted to do something about it, but let's look at reality, I was just a blonde, white trash youth, who's family was poor as fuck.
Society just don't give a fuck. Nothing came of it but a hatred for cops.
I guess I am not crazy enough to get free money from the government, but I did once for a while.
I was taking some good liquid acid with my homeboy Big D, thinking I had a Physical evaluation the next morning.
I was still frying the next morning, and found out when my mom came by and told me that she was wrong, and that my eveluation was physcological. Well... I wen't anyway and got money soon after.
That still makes me laugh when I think about that.
Quick Break, getting high..
I am back and feel it's time to switch around the sucbject here, I wen't to applebees today with my Mom and Dale, and the service SUCKED!.
The ribbs where good though.
I was at her house for a while, and she let me smoke a couple bowls of some good herb, to my head.
I sat and watched a DVD and got baked in front of the swamp cooler ;-)
Everything has been more calm then usual, as of late.
Usualy I am having some kind of "dope drama" situation occour, or dealing with the fucking local Cops or Sureinos.
For a while shit got pretty thick between my people, and these fucking scraps.
These gang banging wet-back mother fuckers decided to start jumping, and harassing white people.
Shit hit the fan after they decided to try and hit up one of my good homeboys, then followed me home after work with a whole car load of people.
Me and Shorty ended up seeing 3 of scraps outside their house one day, when walking from Sydney court ("The Hood"). We ran back to my shack and grabbed two alluminum bats and headed back up toward their house.
When we got near, they came out, along with 4 others (Total of 7), with Bats, Broken Bottles, a Pick axe, and a couple clubs of some sort.
This little skinny scrap motherfucker came close to putting that pick axe in my head.
Shorty started whisteling for back-up, with marrow being the first to arrive, along with a couple other people from Sydney Court a couple minnutes later.
As soon as people started ariving, the scraps ended up going back in their yard and behind their wooden fence.
It was not long after, that Shorty seen the cops come, so we ditched the bats, and ran to a homeboys apartment around the corner,
We found out later that several City Police units, a few sheriff units, and the Gang task force all showed up, and we made it out just in time.
Also, I found out that our bats were recovered by some of the homeboys on Sydney. I was Jazzed HeHe ;-)
I could go on and on about our fued with the Surenos, perhaps I will get into more of that at a later time.
I think I am going end this for now, and I am too Impatient to spell check it so live with it!
Hukt on fonix werkt fer me
I could'nt seem to get that FUCKING page loaded for the longest time.
I am still kind of tweeked from earlier this evening when Ace Dogg came over and hooked up some shit.
We rolled a few bowls and then he left.
He has to be up for tommorow sense he is helping Jay (Dubie J) with his little "project" on the hill.
Ace Dogg does need the extra money/weed sense his sister who he is living with is giving him a bunch of shit about being lazy and not having a job.
Plus the dumbass just got arrested for Posesetion/intent to sell so he has a bunch of legal bullshit to deal with.
Right now my nosey ass homeboy is trying to read what I am writing-- He read this now he is nolonger doing so HAHAHA.
Now ..I am going to take a brief break to get high .. I will be right back...
Ok, I am back now....
and YES I get HIGH!.. and YES I am HIGH!
and I don't really give a fuck what anybody thinks about it.
I just had to get that out of my system.
Getting high seems to have become a favorite pasttime activity for me.
I always loved smoking my weed, and have favored it above any other recreation activity sense I was a young kid.
I always felt more "normal" when I was high, and did'nt even mind going to school as bad.
Infact, sometimes school was "The Shit" when I had a nice fat bud to smoke.
I remember one time I told my school councelor that I heard voices when I smoke pot, she ended up reporting that to the Psychiatric people and I ended up being labled somewhat "insane" (That is my term.. I forget what term they used).
Ofcourse this was not the start of my reputation as a "looney" or "crazy kid, every sense I started school the teachers and pshcological people thought I was not right in the head.
I found this out later in life, when I was searching through some old files my mom had stashed away.
Later on, they decided to call it ADD, and gave me a bunch of Ritilan (Speed) pills to take.
Yep, this was good for a kid I guess.
Turn him into a little FUCKIN TWEEKER, give him posetion of a bottle PILLS that he could just easily sell. (That was one of my first experiences with probation).
Now look at me HAHAHA.
Nothing I "LOVE" more then to melt down a nice rock in the Glass pipe, and give it a nice spin ;-)
So fuck it!
Basicaly, I am a Psychotic lunitic mother fucker, who has a "I don't give a fuck" prespective on life, and I don't realy value life as much as most people probably do.
I remember on my second term in Juvinile Hall, where I was arrested for trying to steal some beer kegs from the beer factory on the tracks.
I ended up "nutting up" and slamming my head against the cement wall and the cell door.
They repeatedly tryed to get me to "calm down", but I was detoxing off various drugs and INHALENTS, and felt like a FUCKING CAGED ANIMAL. They ended up transfering me to Room 1, which was the "high security" room.
It had padded walls, no sink, and they confiscated my pants, and all of my sheets (Anything I could kill myself with).
I was kept in that room for about 23 hours a day at the least, but was often stuck there for over 24 hours a day..
I can't forget to mention that I was healing up from a severe ass kicking at the hands of the local police department, on the tracks, out of public view.
These "Brave" law enforcers of our city decided to Hand cuff a 14 year old kid with a knee in his spine, then kick him over and over in the ribs and back, even after he co-operated with them.
Sure, I attempted to do something about it, but let's look at reality, I was just a blonde, white trash youth, who's family was poor as fuck.
Society just don't give a fuck. Nothing came of it but a hatred for cops.
I guess I am not crazy enough to get free money from the government, but I did once for a while.
I was taking some good liquid acid with my homeboy Big D, thinking I had a Physical evaluation the next morning.
I was still frying the next morning, and found out when my mom came by and told me that she was wrong, and that my eveluation was physcological. Well... I wen't anyway and got money soon after.
That still makes me laugh when I think about that.
Quick Break, getting high..
I am back and feel it's time to switch around the sucbject here, I wen't to applebees today with my Mom and Dale, and the service SUCKED!.
The ribbs where good though.
I was at her house for a while, and she let me smoke a couple bowls of some good herb, to my head.
I sat and watched a DVD and got baked in front of the swamp cooler ;-)
Everything has been more calm then usual, as of late.
Usualy I am having some kind of "dope drama" situation occour, or dealing with the fucking local Cops or Sureinos.
For a while shit got pretty thick between my people, and these fucking scraps.
These gang banging wet-back mother fuckers decided to start jumping, and harassing white people.
Shit hit the fan after they decided to try and hit up one of my good homeboys, then followed me home after work with a whole car load of people.
Me and Shorty ended up seeing 3 of scraps outside their house one day, when walking from Sydney court ("The Hood"). We ran back to my shack and grabbed two alluminum bats and headed back up toward their house.
When we got near, they came out, along with 4 others (Total of 7), with Bats, Broken Bottles, a Pick axe, and a couple clubs of some sort.
This little skinny scrap motherfucker came close to putting that pick axe in my head.
Shorty started whisteling for back-up, with marrow being the first to arrive, along with a couple other people from Sydney Court a couple minnutes later.
As soon as people started ariving, the scraps ended up going back in their yard and behind their wooden fence.
It was not long after, that Shorty seen the cops come, so we ditched the bats, and ran to a homeboys apartment around the corner,
We found out later that several City Police units, a few sheriff units, and the Gang task force all showed up, and we made it out just in time.
Also, I found out that our bats were recovered by some of the homeboys on Sydney. I was Jazzed HeHe ;-)
I could go on and on about our fued with the Surenos, perhaps I will get into more of that at a later time.
I think I am going end this for now, and I am too Impatient to spell check it so live with it!
Hukt on fonix werkt fer me
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Well, here we go, this is my first attempt at writing a "journal" online.
I am not quite sure where to start, sense my life has been one big confusing, and dramatic roller coaster ride.
Life has been difficult for me sense I broke up with my ex.
I was with her about 10 months before it ended completely by surprise. Her excuse for dumping me was that she does not love me as much, or as strongly, as she once did.
Basically, to put it in terms of my understanding, she just "fell out" of love. I did not think this was possible, so at times I often start thinking that she did not love me in the first place, and for some fucked up reason, she chose to lead me on. I found that I can start thinking about these things, and soon my mind is completely consumed by tons of thoughts, questions, and speculations, so I have learned to try and stop thinking about things, which does not always successfully happen, but there are times when I do succeed.
I met her not long after I started my job at Wendy's.
She was working there sense before me, and was the first person to sit down and talk to me.
I am naturally a quiet, but observant person, and do not usually talk a whole lot, to people I just meet, and rarely make the first move to introduce myself.
I seem to study each person, and learn about them and the way they "carry" themselves (act, live, believe, etc..).
She was the first, and only one I would talk to at the beginning.
Soon, she made the move and asked me out one night, and I, seemingly surprising to her, accepted. So we went out on our first date, which was on July 6th, 2002.
I got to really like her over the next few days and weeks, and soon, fell deeply in love with her.
She was the first, and only girl I ever fell in love with, besides this one I met on the internet which turned out to be fake on her part.
Me and my girlfriend broke up a couple days before what I believe to be our 10 month anniversary.
I am not sure exactly how long it was, although I am sure I could figure it out, but I don't like to think about it that much if I can help it.
Anyway, I will shut up about my ex for now, but maybe I will address more of the issue at a later time.
Now I am going pause for a short break, and will resume momentarily. (Actually, I need to get stoned so just hold the fuck on! ;-) )
Well, I am back.. and pretty stoned.
My homeboy Timer is passing out on my floor, occasionally slapping his self and complaining about the ants HAHAHA.
Timer has been one of my good Homeboys sense I was about 14 years old.
He, being "brought up" by the system, starting out in CYA (Juvenile prison), graduating to several times in adult penitentiaries, taught me a lot of things about survival, that kept me alive during my teenage years.
I am sure I could of been some kind of pussy momma's-boy, or some kind of sports player, but that just does not really appeal to me.
Besides, I was not born with a silver spoon up my ass, nor did I have a father capable of buying me a new car for a graduation present (my present consisted of two bottles of Daniels), I had to live in the Shit-hole of society, where life is a little different.
I had to learn what could be called "street smarts", in order to get by.
Sure, I did bring allot of the burden to myself.
I was the kind of kid who would rather stay out of school, kick back all day and get high.
Weed was all around here in the Emerald triangle, so it was widely available.
Every thing else was available as well, and I have tried many different drugs.
I remember when I smoked a shit load of weed with my neighbor (he let me smoke a few bowls to my head, and it was laced with PCP.
I remember my mom making me go to the hospital that night.
I frequently did Acid, and allot of times I would even resort to Huffing Glade Aerosol or Free-on in order to get COMPLETELY FUCKING LOADED, I don't know if it is fortunate, or unfortunate, that the high only lasted 2 minutes tops. Speed was another thing I did every now and then, but not very often (Ironic now that I LOVE to get TWEEKED OUT MY FUCKING GORD hehe fuck it, life sucks, why stay alive, just kill the pain through the glass pipe).
But anyway, I am going to stop writing for now (but I could be back).
Next time I may catch up more on my Homies, Mr.Shorty, Ace Dogg, Little D, Big D, Little Ricki, Dubie Jay, Big Ox, and all the other people who got my back.
But who knows? I Just write what ever pops up at the time, but I am sure I will fit them in.
I am not quite sure where to start, sense my life has been one big confusing, and dramatic roller coaster ride.
Life has been difficult for me sense I broke up with my ex.
I was with her about 10 months before it ended completely by surprise. Her excuse for dumping me was that she does not love me as much, or as strongly, as she once did.
Basically, to put it in terms of my understanding, she just "fell out" of love. I did not think this was possible, so at times I often start thinking that she did not love me in the first place, and for some fucked up reason, she chose to lead me on. I found that I can start thinking about these things, and soon my mind is completely consumed by tons of thoughts, questions, and speculations, so I have learned to try and stop thinking about things, which does not always successfully happen, but there are times when I do succeed.
I met her not long after I started my job at Wendy's.
She was working there sense before me, and was the first person to sit down and talk to me.
I am naturally a quiet, but observant person, and do not usually talk a whole lot, to people I just meet, and rarely make the first move to introduce myself.
I seem to study each person, and learn about them and the way they "carry" themselves (act, live, believe, etc..).
She was the first, and only one I would talk to at the beginning.
Soon, she made the move and asked me out one night, and I, seemingly surprising to her, accepted. So we went out on our first date, which was on July 6th, 2002.
I got to really like her over the next few days and weeks, and soon, fell deeply in love with her.
She was the first, and only girl I ever fell in love with, besides this one I met on the internet which turned out to be fake on her part.
Me and my girlfriend broke up a couple days before what I believe to be our 10 month anniversary.
I am not sure exactly how long it was, although I am sure I could figure it out, but I don't like to think about it that much if I can help it.
Anyway, I will shut up about my ex for now, but maybe I will address more of the issue at a later time.
Now I am going pause for a short break, and will resume momentarily. (Actually, I need to get stoned so just hold the fuck on! ;-) )
Well, I am back.. and pretty stoned.
My homeboy Timer is passing out on my floor, occasionally slapping his self and complaining about the ants HAHAHA.
Timer has been one of my good Homeboys sense I was about 14 years old.
He, being "brought up" by the system, starting out in CYA (Juvenile prison), graduating to several times in adult penitentiaries, taught me a lot of things about survival, that kept me alive during my teenage years.
I am sure I could of been some kind of pussy momma's-boy, or some kind of sports player, but that just does not really appeal to me.
Besides, I was not born with a silver spoon up my ass, nor did I have a father capable of buying me a new car for a graduation present (my present consisted of two bottles of Daniels), I had to live in the Shit-hole of society, where life is a little different.
I had to learn what could be called "street smarts", in order to get by.
Sure, I did bring allot of the burden to myself.
I was the kind of kid who would rather stay out of school, kick back all day and get high.
Weed was all around here in the Emerald triangle, so it was widely available.
Every thing else was available as well, and I have tried many different drugs.
I remember when I smoked a shit load of weed with my neighbor (he let me smoke a few bowls to my head, and it was laced with PCP.
I remember my mom making me go to the hospital that night.
I frequently did Acid, and allot of times I would even resort to Huffing Glade Aerosol or Free-on in order to get COMPLETELY FUCKING LOADED, I don't know if it is fortunate, or unfortunate, that the high only lasted 2 minutes tops. Speed was another thing I did every now and then, but not very often (Ironic now that I LOVE to get TWEEKED OUT MY FUCKING GORD hehe fuck it, life sucks, why stay alive, just kill the pain through the glass pipe).
But anyway, I am going to stop writing for now (but I could be back).
Next time I may catch up more on my Homies, Mr.Shorty, Ace Dogg, Little D, Big D, Little Ricki, Dubie Jay, Big Ox, and all the other people who got my back.
But who knows? I Just write what ever pops up at the time, but I am sure I will fit them in.
